It is normal to get nervous or self-conscious on occasion, like when giving a speech or interviewing for a new job. But social anxiety, or social phobia, is more than just shyness or occasional nerves. With social anxiety disorder, fear of embarrassment is so intense that certain situations are avoided altogether. 


Social anxiety disorder (or social phobia) involves intense fear of certain social situations especially situations that are unfamiliar or in which you feel you’ll be watched or evaluated by others. These social situations may be so frightening that you get anxious just thinking about them or go to great lengths to avoid them. Underlying social anxiety disorder or social phobia is the fear of being scrutinized, judged, or embarrassed in public. You may be afraid that people will think badly of you or that you won’t measure up in comparison to others. And even though you probably realize that your fears of being judged are at least somewhat irrational and overblown, you still can’t help feeling anxious. While it may seem like there’s nothing you can do about the symptoms of social anxiety disorder or social phobia, in reality, there are many things that can help. It starts with understanding the problem.


Triggers for social anxiety (social phobia)


Although it may feel like you’re the only one with this problem, social anxiety or social phobia is actually quite common. Many people struggle with these fears. But the situations that trigger the symptoms of social anxiety disorder can be different. Some people experience anxiety in most social and performance situations, a condition known as generalized social anxiety disorder. For other people with social phobia, anxiety is connected with specific social situations, such as speaking to strangers, eating at restaurants, or going to parties. The most common specific social phobia is fear of public speaking or performing in front of an audience.


The following situations are often stressful for people with social anxiety disorder:


  • Meeting new people

  • Being the center of attention

  • Being watched while doing something

  • Making small talk

  • Public speaking

  • Performing on stage

  • Being teased or criticized

  • Talking with important people or authority figures      

  • Being called on in class

  • Going on a date

  • Making phone calls

  • Using public bathrooms

  • Taking exams

  • Eating or drinking in public

  • Speaking up in a meeting

  • Attending parties or other social gatherings


Signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder 


Just because you occasionally get nervous in social situations doesn’t mean you have social anxiety disorder or social phobia. Many people are shy or self-conscious—at least from time to time—yet it doesn’t get in the way of their everyday functioning. Social anxiety disorder, on the other hand, does interfere with your normal routine and causes tremendous distress. For example, it’s perfectly normal to get the jitters before giving a speech. But if you have social anxiety disorder or social phobia, you might worry for weeks ahead of time, call in sick to get out of it, or start shaking so bad during the speech that you can hardly speak.


Emotional symptoms of social anxiety disorder:


  • Excessive self-consciousness and anxiety in everyday social situations

  • Intense worry for days, weeks, or even months before an upcoming social situation

  • Extreme fear of being watched or judged by others, especially people you don’t know

  • Fear that you’ll act in ways that that will embarrass or humiliate yourself

  • Fear that others will notice that you’re nervous


Physical symptoms of social anxiety disorder / social phobia:


  • Red face, or blushing

  • Shortness of breath

  • Upset stomach, nausea (i.e. butterflies)

  • Trembling or shaking (including shaky voice)

  • Racing heart or tightness in chest

  • Sweating or hot flashes

  • Feeling dizzy or faint


Behavioral symptoms of social anxiety disorder / social phobia:


  • Avoiding social situations to a degree that limits your activities or disrupts your life

  • Staying quiet or hiding in the background in order to escape notice and embarrassment

  • A need to always bring a buddy along with you wherever you go

  • Drinking before social situations in order to soothe your nerves


Social anxiety disorder / social phobia in children


There’s nothing abnormal about a child being shy, but children with social anxiety disorder or social phobia experience extreme distress over everyday activities and situations such as playing with other kids, reading in class, speaking to adults, taking tests, or performing in front of others. Often, children with social phobia don’t want to go to school.


Social Phobia Self-help Tip 1: Challenge negative thoughts


Social anxiety sufferers have negative thoughts and beliefs that contribute to their anxiety. If you have social anxiety disorder, or social phobia, you may find yourself overwhelmed by thoughts like:


  • “I know I’ll end up looking like a fool.”

  • “My voice will start shaking and I’ll humiliate myself.”   

  • “People will think I’m stupid.”

  • “I won’t have anything to say. I'll seem boring.”


Challenging these negative thoughts, either through therapy or on your own, is one effective way to reduce the symptoms of social anxiety disorder. The first step is to identify the automatic negative thoughts that underlie your fear of social situations. For example, if you‘re worried about an upcoming work presentation, the underlying negative thought might be: “I’m going to blow it. Everyone will think I’m completely incompetent.”


The next step is to analyze and challenge them. It helps to ask yourself questions about the negative thoughts: “Do I know for sure that I’m going to blow the presentation?” or “Even if I’m nervous, will people necessarily think I’m incompetent?” Through this logical evaluation of your negative thoughts, you can gradually replace them with more realistic and positive ways of looking at social situations that trigger your anxiety.


Examples of unhelpful thinking styles involved in social phobia can include:


  • Mind reading – Assuming you know what other people are thinking, and that they see you in the same negative way that you see yourself.

  • Fortune telling – Predicting the future, usually while assuming the worst will happen. You just “know” that things will go horribly, so you’re already anxious before you’re even in the situation.

  • Catastrophizing – Blowing things out of proportion. If people notice that you’re nervous, it will be “awful,” “terrible,” or “disastrous.”

  • Personalizing – Assuming that people are focusing on you in a negative way or that what’s going on with other people has to do with you.


In order to reduce self-focus, pay attention to what is happening around you, rather than monitoring yourself or focusing on symptoms of anxiety in your body:


  • Look at other people and the surroundings.

  • Really listen to what is being said (not to your own negative thoughts).

  • Don't take all the responsibility for keeping conversations going—silence is okay, other people will contribute.


Social Phobia Self-help Tip 2: Learn to control your breath


Many changes happen in your body when you become anxious. One of the first changes is that you begin to breathe quickly. Overbreathing throws off the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your body—leading to more physical symptoms of anxiety, such as dizziness, a feeling of suffocation, increased heart rate, and muscle tension.


Learning to slow your breathing down can help you bring your physical symptoms of anxiety back under control. Practicing the breathing exercises in our Patient Resources page will help you stay calm when you’re the center of attention.


Self-help tip 3: Face your fears


One of the most helpful things you can do to overcome social anxiety disorder, or social phobia, is to face the social situations you fear rather than avoid them. Avoidance keeps social anxiety disorder going and  leads to more problems.

While avoiding nerve-wracking situations may help you feel better in the short term, it prevents you from becoming more comfortable in social situations and learning how to cope. In fact, the more you avoid a feared social situation, the more frightening it becomes.


Avoidance may also prevent you from doing things you’d like to do or reaching certain goals. For example, a fear of speaking up may prevent you from sharing your ideas at work, standing out in the classroom, or making new friends.


While it may seem impossible to overcome a feared social situation, you can do it by taking it one small step at a time. The key is to start with a situation that you can handle and gradually work your way up to more challenging situations, building your confidence and coping skills as you move up the “anxiety ladder.”


For example, if socializing with strangers makes you anxious, you might start by accompanying an outgoing friend to a party. Once you’re comfortable with that step, you might try introducing yourself to one new person, and so on.


Work your way up the social phobia “anxiety ladder”:


  • Don’t try to face your biggest fear right away. It’s never a good idea to move too fast, take on too much, or force things. This will backfire and reinforce your anxiety.

  • Be patient. Overcoming social anxiety takes time and practice. It’s a gradual step-by-step progress.

  • Use the skills you’ve learned to stay calm, such as focusing on your breathing and challenging negative assumptions.


Social Phobia Self-help Tip 4: Build better relationships


Actively seeking out and joining supportive social environments is another effective way of tackling and overcoming social anxiety disorder or social phobia. The following suggestions are good ways to start interacting with others in positive ways:


  • Take a social skills class or an assertiveness training class. These classes are often offered at local adult education centers or community colleges.

  • Volunteer doing something you enjoy, such as walking dogs in a shelter, or stuffing envelopes for a campaign — anything that will give you an activity to focus on while you are also engaging with a small number of like-minded people.

  • Work on your communication skills. Good relationships depend on clear, emotionally-intelligent communication. If you find that you have trouble connecting to others, learning the basic skills of emotional intelligence can help.


Social Phobia Self-help Tip  5: Change your lifestyle


While lifestyle changes alone aren’t enough to overcome social phobia or social anxiety disorder, they can support your overall treatment progress. The following lifestyle tips will help you reduce your overall anxiety levels and set the stage for successful treatment:


  • Avoid or limit caffeine. Coffee, tea, caffeinated soda, energy drinks, and chocolate act as stimulants that increase anxiety symptoms.

  • Drink only in moderation. You may be tempted to drink before a party or other social situation in order to calm your nerves, but alcohol increases your risk of having an anxiety attack.

  • Quit smoking. Nicotine is a powerful stimulant. Smoking leads to higher, not lower, levels of anxiety.

  • Get adequate sleep. When you’re sleep deprived, you’re more vulnerable to anxiety. Being well rested will help you stay calm in social situations.


Therapy for social anxiety disorder / social phobia


Social anxiety disorder varies from person to person and self-help strategies mighgt help for some people, but some might still struggle with disabling anxiety and need professional help as well. Of all the professional treatments available, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has been shown to work the best for treating social anxiety disorder, or social phobia. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is based on the premise that what you think affects how you feel, and your feelings affect your behavior. So if you change the way you think about social situations that give you anxiety, you’ll feel and function better.


Cognitive-behavioral therapy for social phobia typically involves:


  • Learning how to control the physical symptoms of anxiety through relaxation techniques and breathing exercises.

  • Challenging negative, unhelpful thoughts that trigger and fuel social anxiety, replacing them with more balanced views.

  • Facing the social situations you fear in a gradual, systematic way, rather than avoiding them.


While you can learn and practice these exercises on your own, if you’ve had trouble with self-help, you may benefit from the extra support and guidance a therapist brings.


Group therapy for social anxiety disorder / social phobia


Other cognitive-behavioral techniques for social anxiety disorder include role-playing and social skills training, often as part of a therapy group. Group therapy for social anxiety disorder uses acting, videotaping and observing, mock interviews, and other exercises to work on situations that make you anxious in the real world. As you practice and prepare for situations you’re afraid of, you will become more and more comfortable and confident in your social abilities, and your anxiety will lessen.


Medication for social anxiety disorder / social phobia


Medication is sometimes used to relieve the symptoms of social anxiety, but it’s not a cure for social anxiety disorder or social phobia. If you stop taking medication, your symptoms will probably return full force. Medication is considered most helpful when used in addition to therapy and other self-help techniques that address the root cause of social anxiety disorder.


Three types of medication are used in the treatment of social anxiety disorder / social phobia:


  • Beta blockers – Beta blockers are used for relieving performance anxiety. They work by blocking the flow of adrenaline that occurs when you’re anxious. While beta blockers don’t affect the emotional symptoms of anxiety, they can control physical symptoms such as shaking hands or voice, sweating, and rapid heartbeat.

  • Antidepressants – Antidepressants can be helpful when social anxiety disorder is severe and debilitating. 

  • Benzodiazepines – Benzodiazepines are fast-acting anti-anxiety medications. However, they are sedating and addictive, so they are typically prescribed only when other treatments for social phobia have not worked.


More information on Social Anxiety available at

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